Peace Amidst A Storm

Written May 15, 2007

Life has been incredibly difficult lately. Approximately 2 1/2 months ago my wife told me that she no longer desired to be married to me. I was totally shocked. All of my dreams, goals, and desires were written around Amie... all dashed in the wind with the simple phrase "I want a divorce."

For weeks I could not smile. I could not laugh. My eyes began to run dry, leaving only red streaks across my cheeks. I love Amie and I always will, but now is a time for restoration.

I am so thankful for my family and friends that have helped to carry me through this tough trial. Without their kind, compassionate, and caring words I would likely still be devastated. They have carried my mat as the four men did the paralytic in Mark 2.

God has provided me with peace amidst the storm. Sometimes He calms the storms in our lives; while other times He calms His child. I am a living testimony to His unending grace and restoration. He has provided me with an incredible support group and has restored my joy.

I may have been a failure as a husband. I may have been a failure as a police officer. I may have failed my family and friends at times. But God has made it clear that I am not a failure in life. I am not a failure in faith. He placed me through the fire and has refined me to be more like Him. What an incredible feeling to have nothing, and still sing to the Lord.

So now, I focus my life and my heart on Him. I am already preparing my heart and my life for another woman. I want to be as pure as possible... and that purity can come only from Him. I hope that someday He will provide me with the desires of my heart; to have a Godly wife and the experience the joy of raising Godly children. If I'm only alotted one shot at marriage I trust that He will provide me the strength to live day-by-day. Only by His direction and timing will I know.

God is good. I am a witness to His unending grace.