Celebrating the 7!

Seven years ago today I married my college sweetheart. Yet, this is the third anniversary that I have spent without her. I have a strong belief that the worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce. What has been the most devastating time of my life, the divorce, has proven to be a blessing in disguise.

As I think back on the man I was during my marriage I am nearly repulsed. But, I cannot help but stop and smile when I look in the mirror and see the man that I am today. I am confident that without experiencing the greatest day of my life, my marriage, and living through my darkest days, my divorce, I would not be where I am today.

I earned my Bachelor of Arts degree in Bible in 2002. During my college years I worked as a youth director and assistant pastor for a small country church in northeast Missouri. I once had a firm head on my shoulders with a passion like I had never experienced before. Shortly after college I became something even my closest friends and family could not recognize. I was cold-hearted and cruel. I lost sight of the hope that I stood beside for so long. I neglected telling my wife that I loved her. I failed to be kind to her. I refused to be something that she needed. My divorce changed this. Within hours of hearing that Amie wanted a divorce I broke down and cried to God for help. And help He would. Over the past nearly three years, God has molded me into a different man... one that I celebrate today. I have a new mission, to be a pillar of strength for others who are experiencing the pains of divorce. I am a man of faith, one who desires to be a greater man of God. I give any chance I can see to give, oftentimes thanklessly. I love like I have never loved before, wearing my heart on my sleeve for the first time ever... I would rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

While I celebrate being a changed man, I know that I can oftentimes come across strong in relationships or abrasive to those who don't know me. This is something that I hope to correct in time. Yet, I will never regret or apologize for being who I am.

It's amazing how my perspectives have changed. I had always dreamed of being a father and husband. I dreamed of being the most successful at my job and making it to the top. I dreamed of driving the nicest car and living in the most beautiful house. I dreamed of making endless amounts of money to do whatever I possibly could with. Now, however, my dream is simple. I hope to be an incredible husband and father someday. That's it. But I want to do it at a level that most only dream of. I want to tell her, whoever she is... whether I know her or not, in both word and action that she is my world. I want to smile every time I think of her, and call/text her at random just because. I want to be gentle with my children. I want to be forever known as a husband and father unlike any other. That, and only that, comprises my dream.

Today I stand before you a changed man.... one of great pride, strength, hope, faith, joy, and love! So, on this day that would seemingly be a dark and painful day, I celebrate. For without my darkest days, I would not see the future as clearly as I do.

Thank you God for making something beautiful out of something so devastating.