Divorce Journal Entry #11

March 8, 2007
12:16 am

2006 was a year from hell. We endured incredible obstacles together. We overcame several moves and pinched every last dollar. We were slandered in the news, persecuted by our neighbors, scrutinized by our friends. But nothing that happened was for naught.

It took these challenges and struggles for me to realize who I had become, both in my marriage and professional life. What once was a soft, sincere man had become a cold, unforgiving core. I neglected my wife’s heart and trod along on my own path. I was hurtful.

But God created the beauty from the ashes. I know that God worked in my life to transform me into a patient, caring, serving person. My wife became the foremost attraction of my day. All I needed was her presence and I had found peace. I performed simple acts of kindness to show her that I loved her. I lifted her up in praise before to strangers as the proud husband I am. She is my joy.

2007 was ushered in and I told myself that it couldn’t possibly be as trying as 2006. I only wish this was the case.

What was previously a disaster had become a trial of fire. I was so proud of my wife for standing toe-to-toe with me against the enemy. She was my number one ally, even though it was painful for her to bear. She is my lifesong.

I tried so diligently to show her how I felt. I don’t regret a single laugh, gift, or act of service. I wanted her to know that I love her.

I spoke with a counselor yesterday. He kept telling me that it doesn’t matter how much I want my marriage to work if my wife isn’t willing to try. What a heart-wrenching truth!

I will patiently wait and struggle to find peace. I will not lose hope that someday she will see how much I care, and care. That someday she will find that I am truly repentant of my acts of poor judgment. That someday she will agree to try professional help with me and allow the wounds to heal. I will guard my heart because she is still my wife and I am still her husband. I love my wife.