Monday, March 19, 2007

Divorce Journal Entry #39

10:14 pm

I want so desperately to talk to my wife. Every day I’ve wanted to call her, just to say I love you. But I know that she needs her space. So I await her call.

Every time my phone rings, my heart skips a beat… hoping it’s her. And each time my feelings are crushed to realize it’s someone else. I almost hate answering the phone.

I have a couple of voicemails on my phone that I’ve saved from her. These voicemails were not happy times, but nonetheless I am able to hear her voice when I want. Although I cannot communicate back, just her voice soothes me.

I have found myself lately talking to her, but she’s not around. I wish she would call.

I’ve also found myself coming home after working somewhere hoping to see her car in the driveway. I know that this is not a realistic expectation because she’s with her family, but I hope anyhow.

While showering I find myself dreaming of her just opening the door and saying hi. When I step out of the shower and walk into the bedroom I pray that she’s in the room wanting to talk.

Why is it that I feel this way?

I miss all the little things that she does. My life is in going through an abnormal state and my heart wants it to be normal. My mind tells me that it could be normal; that today is a new day, a new life.

Yet I still find myself waiting.

I miss my wife.

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