Divorce Journal Entry #34

March 14, 2007
1:33 pm

I just finished working for Ron this morning. Ron is a great caring friend to have who has experienced the pains of the divorce.

After climbing into the truck to head back to the house I noticed that I had missed a call. I checked my voicemail and heard that it was Amie. She said that there are a few things that she wants to talk about.

At first my mind flooded with positive thoughts. Perhaps this was a sign that she was beginning to miss me. Maybe she had finally talked with someone about what’s going on and she’s decided to hear me out. Is she willing to let me fill her tank?

Then I realized that the chances of that are incredibly slim. Nothing has happened so far in the last week and a half to even suggest to me that she cares how I feel.

Most likely she’ll tell me that she’s going to file for divorce, despite my only request for her to wait until after my criminal stuff is dismissed. If this is the case it will officially tell me that she no longer cares. Being separated, not talking to her, doing things with her, and hearing her feelings have been hard enough. I cannot possibly handle this as well.

Or maybe she’ll just tell me that she doesn’t want me to stay in the house next week. Not sure why that would be something she would change her mind about, but it’s possible.

Although I maintain hope, I’m not very optimistic. If she told me that she wanted to even TRY to make it work I would go through the ceiling with excitement. Even if I wasn’t prepared for it that’s how I’d react, because I want nothing more than a chance. So, I’m preparing for the worst. Anything would be better than hearing of her desire to file now.

God please protect my heart. Guide my mind and my mouth. Regardless of what she may tell me may she see my overwhelming love for her.

I miss my wife.