March 10, 2007
5:06 am
I got home last night at approximately 10:30 pm. It was so hard to discuss the dispersion of our property.
For the first time in a week I truly saw my wife last night. She was calm and collected, yet emotional at times. I just wanted to embrace her so badly without restriction. I wanted to hold her hand, run my thumb across her cheek, rub her knee, or kiss her neck.
She and I had some very good talks. We stared intently into each other’s eyes; trying to feel the other’s pain hidden behind.
I asked some very pointed questions and believe that she was truly honest with me. Some of the answers pulled at my heart and some of the answers destroyed my soul, but she was honest.
She told me that she truly does believe that I’m repentant for what I’ve done in the past. She said that she has given to this relationship for 8 years and just can’t give anymore. She said that she is certain that a divorce is imminent.
I got to my parent’s house emotionally exhausted. I had a sense of peace that we discussed our thoughts, fears, and problems. I remained very soft spoken and kept telling my mother that it’s okay. I am radically against the idea of divorcing my joy. Divorce is not okay, but I appreciate my wife’s honesty and humility more than she knows.
Oh how I wish I had one more day with her. One day to hold her more, write to her, love and cherish her. One more day to plant flowers and walk the dogs. Just one more day to give unselfishly and allow her to receive.
God I don’t believe that a divorce is within your plan, but I’m only half of the equation here. Please work in Amie’s heart to heal and renew her spirit. Cleanse her mind and allow her to cry. Let her see that there truly is beauty to be made from ashes, happiness from sorrow, a solid marriage from a struggling one.
I love my wife.
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