Divorce Journal Entry #21

12:13 pm

Running away.
I hold in my hand the telephone.
With just a punch of corresponding
numbers I can arrange to run away.
I can fly to Iowa and spend several days with my uncle,
the one man who has experienced my
pain
agony
questions
unknown.
Only he knows my mindset
of watching someone you desperately love
walk away.
I can cry with the Zehrs,
who have already heard my hearts cry.
I can sit in front of my grandparents
and finally tell them everything.
I can sob with my grandfather
as he embraces me and tells me that he loves me.
I can hear my grandmother
as her heart breaks.
Their health is increasingly worse,
but I need to experience their unending support.
I can fly to New York and stay with my sister,
my own blood who I can continue to share my
sadness
tears
anxieties
without fear of rejection.
I can talk with my brother-in-law
and finally embrace his love
from one man to another.
I can smile with Gracie
as she laughs on the floor,
for she is free of
wrongdoing
depression
stain.
All of these things have already been discussed,
but will running away solve anything
or just side-step the pain temporarily?
I hold in my hand the telephone.